they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
