Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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