I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
