i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
