Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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