I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
