I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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