So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize