Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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