just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
