So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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