And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
