Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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