We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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