that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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