I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
