There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
