I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
