Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will be naked everywhere
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
