me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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