I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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