i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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