ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
