I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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