I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
