im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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