toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
