wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
