I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
