Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize