After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
