God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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