You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize