yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
