so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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