i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
