I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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