I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
