I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
