I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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