They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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