I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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