call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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