As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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