i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize