dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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