I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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