she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
