my vag is so smooth its legendary
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
