it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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