New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
