To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
