guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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