Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
