the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
