I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
