I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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