u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
