glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
