i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
