i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
