I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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