Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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