did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
