Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
