Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A bitchslap is in order.
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