LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am mentally ready for anal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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