i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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