Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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