The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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